entep

this sucks. ive been talking since may about how awesome it would in summer when i have no work and i can make all the music i want. but recently ive felt really demotivated. ive felt this feelihng for a while actually. for some reaosn, since i was like 11 or 12, i felt like ive been spectating my own life and it really fuck sme up. not to mention some days i cant eat or sleep and some days its hard to even think about \anything, so i end up just laying in bed and watching on my phone. ive searched it up on google and did some online quizzes (no slef diagnosing) and it says im probably depressed. fuck that. i hate being sad and shit. fuck all this bullshit. my mom refuses to taker me to a doctor so when i turn 16 im visiting a doctor myself. we'll see what happens.